4 months I have been pondering whether or not to post anything here because I figured 'who would read it anyway' before I re-realized why I made this blog in the first place: to pen down stuff for myself, to get things off my chest, regardless of the fact if anyone reads it or not.
I lost my cheer. That is, in short, the past 4 months since my last post. The previous post probably tipped you off about it but today it hit me that this is what's missing. Something so good and so fulfilling it brightens up my life, something to make me smile from ear to ear and make me thread lightly around the house.
People around me have found that something, in different ways, and I am happy for them but being happy for someone else is not the same as being happy for and with oneself. In fact, it stings when seeing other people happy when you yourself are not. I know that is a bleak way to look at things but let's be honest, I never hid the fact I'm really a pessimistic 'glass half-empty' kind of guy in the first place. I need not even mention the 'J-word', just scroll down to my very first post if you need your memory refreshed.
Things that have been going on lately, which will be detailed further later on, my job and school and general personal life, have given me little to be cheery about. And yes, I know people keep saying to look at the bright side but it's not my strong suit, as much as I want it to be.
I don't like being a downer either, I hate the fact that more often than not I am the partypooper, the guy that makes other people's day bad or worse, the one that always finds something to nag about often just to be able to complain.
What I need is a focal point, something to look forward to, something that can serve as a beacon, a goal of sorts. Right now that something is missing and I just go through the motions of daily life, which is a boring chore.
I got a job. Temporary at best, until I can go back to school in September. It's not the most mind-numbing thing but it does lack excitement or stimulation, unless you consider bruises, cuts and the ever present danger of losing a finger or arm in a press exciting. It brings in the money, money that's been reserved for a purpose since even before it was deposited in my account, namely...
School. Back to the benches it is for me come September 1st. 4 years of studying, books, numbers and daily travel to my destination of choice, this time much closer to home. As I can't afford to move out of my parent's house before I have a full-time, well-paying job, I will commute there every day by use of bus. This time I will be the senior in the class. A 24-year old between 17- and 18-year olds. Though I have no doubt I'll manage to fit in as I usually do. Starting out the familiar cycle of 'observer-mingler-joker-all round familiar guy'.
Social life will start up again, maybe I will join a sorority of sorts. I know that over the past year I have developed my social skills to a new level. One where I'm not introverted or shy about most things anymore, one where I can freely talk to anyone and even be the kick-starter for topics and conversations. How this will affect my online life? I do not know. Lately I have noticed that, due to my odd working hours, contacts online have been watering down, severing and fading.
My daily routine (or grind if you will) leaves me little time for anything but sleep, work and general household chores. The few hours I have to spend online, I spend talking to a few people on Skype, idling in WoW or raiding when I can. In the weekends, my only true free time, I try to catch up on sleep or visit people, going out with them or to them and hang out for a pretty good time.
I guess that, even when reading all this, you have noticed life isn't all too exciting, yet exciting enough to keep me awake most of the time. There's several things I haven't mentioned here that I will bring up in future posts, namely the ever-present topic my personal love life (oooeh exciting! or not...) and future plans that are on the agenda.
Wall of text thought up, written and posted. Take care.
Sav.
18 July 2010
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