You know that little voice inside your head? That tells you things that are glaringly obvious but you somehow don't want to see? This voice keeps telling me to stop being stupid and trusting people like my person always does.
As I pull yet another knife from out my back, with the blood also comes the pain of previous stabbings, adding up to a dull, throbbing pain centered in my head near that tiny voice. It's saying 'Told you so, maybe next time you'll listen'.
How many times can you yank a Jojo up and down before the cord breaks? This I wonder...And if that cord breaks, what happens then? Does the Jojo break too? Do you fix the cord?
If you slam it down often enough to actually destroy it, is it then even worth fixing? Isn't it just your own fault?
Enough with the stupid comparisons, here's the deal: betrayal, leading on, false hope, fake feelings. They suck, they sting, they hurt, all of that. Am I addicted to it somehow? Does my head have a big sign saying 'oeh hey there lady, take me, I'm easy!'? Or am I leading myself into these traps time and time again, setting myself up for failure.
I must be, the only other explanation is either really bad luck (he ran backwards into my knife, 15 times, I swear!) or is it something bigger than me that has decided I'm the perfect subject for the ultimate practical joke.
Sadly, I don't believe in either luck or something bigger than me....so what's left? To pick up the Jojo again and hope the string stays in one piece a little longer, until someone comes along who knows how to actually use the bloody thing.
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I know mate, it's just not working out. Worst bit is trying to pick yourself up again but not really wanting to. What other choice do you have?
ReplyDeleteI know, the floor isn't exactly inviting either, not matter how familiar it feels.
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