I always knew you were special, but I never could have guessed just how special...
It happened so fast as well. Just last week we really got back in touch after almost a year of blog comments and the occasional hug ingame and we connected like we'd known each other for ages.
Days flew by as we sat in front of our computers (or behind them), talking on Skype for hours until the sun almost rose again.
It didn't matter we had school or work or other obligations, we had a great time. And then the butterflies came, filling me up inside and making my smile bigger every single time we laughed and enjoyed ourselves, ingame or otherwise.
I fell in love..completely, utterly, totally, truly, madly, deeply. Last night, when the timing was right, I shared this with you and almost as if there was no other answer, you told me it had been the same for you. Instantly making me the the happiest, giddiest guy on Earth.
Our minds are so alike, not just in the dirtiness-factor but in the way we see things and the way we want things to be. Similar interests, similar tastes, similar desires. No subject will phase us, from our plans to be together now to plans about the future.
I can't wait to be with you. When our schedules collide and work and school don't mix, I miss the sound of your voice, your laughter, everything about you, and I wait until you get back again. If I could, I would have been on the plane yesterday, but some things make that impossible. Things that will be easily solved on both sides so we can spend all the time together that we could wish for and it will be amazing.
Until then, I will wish you good night every time I log off and kiss you good morning every time I log back on. Because you make me the happiest guy in the world and because I believe you deserve the best. Which I will give you, from the bottom of my heart and deepest depths of my soul.
My girl, my woman, my Johanna. This is for you.
(Spotify link for if Youtube won't let you see it.
http://open.spotify.com/track/24lMtPOCzP5g4hrg3NklLa)
24 February 2011
22 February 2011
Early in the morning
I arrived 30 minutes early for classes again, as usual. The buses run a once-an-hour schedule so it really can't be helped. It does however, give me some time to write stuff before my classmates arrive and the day officially starts.
Just wanted to post something I wrote a while ago but I realized I'd already posted it before. It was as applicable now as it was then, though I won't re-post it for the same reason as I posted it back then.
On my way to see if I had posted it before, I came across some post from late last year, reminding me once more just what exactly happened, why and how. It's quite funny to see the ups and downs and even the realization that I knew something was wrong before it even began.
But that's over now, things are looking up! Especially the past week I've been feeling more perky than I have in a while and it's because I found a reason to be feeling like that. Someone that makes me feel all happy and giddy inside.
My silent wish to get to know you better came true, faster and in more ways than I could have imagined. We're having a great time and we'll be having plenty more if it's up to me. Thanks for brightening my days and for letting me brighten up yours. I never thought I'd be sitting up until halfway through the morning, chatting and laughing again.
Always has hope been important but now I feel like a part of the promise has been fulfilled already.
I feel good. Thank you. *hugs tight*
Also, I want to give a head's up to all my friends who are still feeling down: I'm still here for you, if and when you need me. You know where to find me, I want to share the good stuff with you. And thanks to everyone who stuck around, it means a lot.
Signing out, see you tonight.
Sav.
Just wanted to post something I wrote a while ago but I realized I'd already posted it before. It was as applicable now as it was then, though I won't re-post it for the same reason as I posted it back then.
On my way to see if I had posted it before, I came across some post from late last year, reminding me once more just what exactly happened, why and how. It's quite funny to see the ups and downs and even the realization that I knew something was wrong before it even began.
But that's over now, things are looking up! Especially the past week I've been feeling more perky than I have in a while and it's because I found a reason to be feeling like that. Someone that makes me feel all happy and giddy inside.
My silent wish to get to know you better came true, faster and in more ways than I could have imagined. We're having a great time and we'll be having plenty more if it's up to me. Thanks for brightening my days and for letting me brighten up yours. I never thought I'd be sitting up until halfway through the morning, chatting and laughing again.
Always has hope been important but now I feel like a part of the promise has been fulfilled already.
I feel good. Thank you. *hugs tight*
Also, I want to give a head's up to all my friends who are still feeling down: I'm still here for you, if and when you need me. You know where to find me, I want to share the good stuff with you. And thanks to everyone who stuck around, it means a lot.
Signing out, see you tonight.
Sav.
14 February 2011
Promises kept and promises broken
*sigh* Today...today is the day I dread the most every year, for every year it is the same. February 14th, globally dubbed 'Valentine's Day' is the most horrible holiday in the year for me. Why? Because I cannot take part in it.
Not because I think it's an overly-commercialized holiday, which I do, but because I have no reason to celebrate it.
For all my 'hate' for this day, I can say for sure that I would partake if I had someone to accompany me for it. But as we all know, love has never been on my side and this year is no exception.
I promised someone I would not sit at home and be dreary all day like I usually did. So I went to school, ignored the abundance in pink and chocolate-brown, the eye-catching couples kissing like their lives depended on it and the more than usual amount of holding hands going on. Today, I acted neutral. Like I didn't give a crap, which isn't far from the truth actually.
I really don't care anymore. People can do what they want, I'm not bothered anymore. I have more important things to worry about than some silly holiday that is at it's core flawed (not getting into that now).
I have a big assignment due before 21.00, several of my friends are having less than fantastic goings-on and I have a list from here to Tokyo with stuff that has to be taken care of 'immediately'.
So besides this post, I will mention it no further.
Promises, yes...I like those. They're the unofficial test of one's personality and trustworthiness. Breaking a promise is lethal to me. I broke several the past few weeks and it sucks. Of course most people will say 'don't worry, it's okay' but it's really not. I betrayed someone's trust, however small, by not keeping a promise and it's hard to make up for it.
I also made new promises, those I intend to keep. An awesome visit from a friend next week, another visit to someone in a few weeks time, ingame obligations ranging from farming an absurd amount of herbs and fish to attending a raid with friends on a day I kinda can't. But it doesn't matter, for a promise is always a promise, no matter what the end result might be.
Finally, I will leave you with another song from my favorite group Assemblage 23, with the usual depressing title. It's not to be taken literally though, this one is more about the general direction of the lyrics and the flow of the music.
Not because I think it's an overly-commercialized holiday, which I do, but because I have no reason to celebrate it.
For all my 'hate' for this day, I can say for sure that I would partake if I had someone to accompany me for it. But as we all know, love has never been on my side and this year is no exception.
I promised someone I would not sit at home and be dreary all day like I usually did. So I went to school, ignored the abundance in pink and chocolate-brown, the eye-catching couples kissing like their lives depended on it and the more than usual amount of holding hands going on. Today, I acted neutral. Like I didn't give a crap, which isn't far from the truth actually.
I really don't care anymore. People can do what they want, I'm not bothered anymore. I have more important things to worry about than some silly holiday that is at it's core flawed (not getting into that now).
I have a big assignment due before 21.00, several of my friends are having less than fantastic goings-on and I have a list from here to Tokyo with stuff that has to be taken care of 'immediately'.
So besides this post, I will mention it no further.
Promises, yes...I like those. They're the unofficial test of one's personality and trustworthiness. Breaking a promise is lethal to me. I broke several the past few weeks and it sucks. Of course most people will say 'don't worry, it's okay' but it's really not. I betrayed someone's trust, however small, by not keeping a promise and it's hard to make up for it.
I also made new promises, those I intend to keep. An awesome visit from a friend next week, another visit to someone in a few weeks time, ingame obligations ranging from farming an absurd amount of herbs and fish to attending a raid with friends on a day I kinda can't. But it doesn't matter, for a promise is always a promise, no matter what the end result might be.
Finally, I will leave you with another song from my favorite group Assemblage 23, with the usual depressing title. It's not to be taken literally though, this one is more about the general direction of the lyrics and the flow of the music.
4 February 2011
One Spark among the Embers
Turbulent week? Not quite, but still filled with surprises and excitement.
On Monday I got elected to top student of my class, to my biggest surprise. Turns out I aced all my exams to claim my 30 credits in one big whammy. Imagine what it had looked like, had I actually studied for them! Only 3 others achieved the same feat, 1 of them rivaling my numbers but none with the commentary I got:
'Sav has scored the maximum amount of credits available in 2 semesters and we, as Avans AAFM board, have determined him to be 'Top Student of the First Half of the First Year' due to outstanding performance, quality of paperwork, excellent group dynamic and overall positive presence in and out of the classroom'.
Imagine the look on my face when reading that....Too bad my parents didn't share my enthusiasm but I've grown so used to that, it hardly bothers me anymore. Of course my high-demands sister's search for 'the perfect house' is way more interesting to blab about every day.
Had several friends over and visited several as well. Good ol' hanging out with nibbles and drinks, good stuff on TV and catching up with goings on.
Of course the major event of the year coming up in a few days: Superbowl! The pinnacle of staying up late, friends, booze, entertainment and more American-themed food than you can shake a stick at!
In other news, I need to congratulate Ozzy. Either for making me believe the most incredible lie ever told to me or for living the dream. Go you, kinda. Because I won't deny my face is still green with jealousy and mild hate. Yes, hate. Not in the 'die in a fire kinda way' but 'goddammit, why does stuff like that never happen to me kinda way'. And don't tell me I have to go look for it, you didn't either. The phrase 'it got thrown into your lap' comes to mind, literally and figuratively.
On to something quite related. My issue of the year that I need to work on, motivation. If even my mentor, who's known me for about 4 months now, says it's my biggest flaw, then I seriously need to get a grip on it.
Lack of motivation can lead to several negative issues such as poor performance, lack of interest in important things and lack of drive to do anything at all. It's so important to know that everything you do matters, that you're working towards something, something not as vague as 'in 4 years time I'll graduate'.
Motivation comes from a goal, something important you want to work for or work towards. There is no such thing for me, nothing concrete or tangible that I think is worth working hard for. So I slack, I let things slip, I work halfheartedly on things that should matter. In essence, I don't deserve that whole price, the runner up did. Poor Pip, who woke up every at 7 during the holiday to study her ass off and got the good grades. I told her that, but it just doesn't have the same impact as getting first place.
I'll wrap it up with the following clip, which puts all the above in the correct perspective. Enjoy the beat, the usual awesome lyrics and overall feel.
Sav.
On Monday I got elected to top student of my class, to my biggest surprise. Turns out I aced all my exams to claim my 30 credits in one big whammy. Imagine what it had looked like, had I actually studied for them! Only 3 others achieved the same feat, 1 of them rivaling my numbers but none with the commentary I got:
'Sav has scored the maximum amount of credits available in 2 semesters and we, as Avans AAFM board, have determined him to be 'Top Student of the First Half of the First Year' due to outstanding performance, quality of paperwork, excellent group dynamic and overall positive presence in and out of the classroom'.
Imagine the look on my face when reading that....Too bad my parents didn't share my enthusiasm but I've grown so used to that, it hardly bothers me anymore. Of course my high-demands sister's search for 'the perfect house' is way more interesting to blab about every day.
Had several friends over and visited several as well. Good ol' hanging out with nibbles and drinks, good stuff on TV and catching up with goings on.
Of course the major event of the year coming up in a few days: Superbowl! The pinnacle of staying up late, friends, booze, entertainment and more American-themed food than you can shake a stick at!
In other news, I need to congratulate Ozzy. Either for making me believe the most incredible lie ever told to me or for living the dream. Go you, kinda. Because I won't deny my face is still green with jealousy and mild hate. Yes, hate. Not in the 'die in a fire kinda way' but 'goddammit, why does stuff like that never happen to me kinda way'. And don't tell me I have to go look for it, you didn't either. The phrase 'it got thrown into your lap' comes to mind, literally and figuratively.
On to something quite related. My issue of the year that I need to work on, motivation. If even my mentor, who's known me for about 4 months now, says it's my biggest flaw, then I seriously need to get a grip on it.
Lack of motivation can lead to several negative issues such as poor performance, lack of interest in important things and lack of drive to do anything at all. It's so important to know that everything you do matters, that you're working towards something, something not as vague as 'in 4 years time I'll graduate'.
Motivation comes from a goal, something important you want to work for or work towards. There is no such thing for me, nothing concrete or tangible that I think is worth working hard for. So I slack, I let things slip, I work halfheartedly on things that should matter. In essence, I don't deserve that whole price, the runner up did. Poor Pip, who woke up every at 7 during the holiday to study her ass off and got the good grades. I told her that, but it just doesn't have the same impact as getting first place.
I'll wrap it up with the following clip, which puts all the above in the correct perspective. Enjoy the beat, the usual awesome lyrics and overall feel.
Sav.
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