'How to ruin a day' or 'When is good, good enough?'

I was having dinner, same as usual on a Saturday afternoon. Same 6 people round a table, eating the same thing, all in silence.

The one that broke that silence was my father. He turned to me and said 'You know how embarrassing it is to have someone ask you what you (that'd be me) do and to have to say you do nothing? You've disappointed me'. I sat there and took it. But it stung, deeply.

It's a trend that begun around first grade (called Group 4 over here) and that never ended. I could always 'do better', 'try harder', 'score higher'. When I scored an 8 I should've studied harder and gotten a 9, when I got a 9 I should've spent less time with friends but more with my books and gotten a 10. On the rare occasions I managed a 10 and proudly told him it was always 'better make sure next one's a 10 too'.

Never a compliment, never pat on the head or a 'good job, I'm proud'. Being the first person in the family ever to score high on the end of school test meant that in high school even more would be expected of me. Expectations that weren't met.

Was it due to them being unreasonably high, or due to them being there at all? What's done is done, same goes for college...

And people wonder why I have issues, all I can say is: tip of the iceberg my friends


Now back to things I enjoy and make me feel good about myself


Sav out