And so, It begins..

Wow, 3 days into 2010 and already I've had a horrible week! That must be a new record...or maybe not...

So it appears that the past month or so I've pretty much been living a lie. I'm not sure whether it was just high hopes, the inexperience factor or straight up self-deceit but it is now certain that the thing I thought was a thing, actually wasn't. It might have been nothing from her side all along but it is now also nothing more from my side.

I still have many questions and I'd be lying if I said I was 100% okay right now, but I'm dealing better than I thought I would. I've begun planning things to do this year, maybe out of a sense of moving on or maybe because I'm just tired doing nothing.

There's also still nagging feelings of insecurity, doubt and general discontent with myself for several reasons. Most of whom I won't list here for sake of rambling on too long but I do wonder what the future holds for me. Will my efforts be repaid with happiness and joy or will I once again be shot down mid-flight, to crash and burn horribly. I don't know but I have to try, if only to gain self-confidence and pride in who I am and who I can become.

Too long have I set idly by, letting the world spin past me as years went on. What use is intellect if it is not used. What use is love if not shared. What use is life if not lived.

Next time I'll have more positive stuff to bring you, I promise!