Early bird catches the cold

It's 5.30 in the bloody morning, I'm shaking from the bitter cold and the need for sleep. Yet I can't go back to bed, not before writing off all the thing I have to. How much that is I don't know, I will when it's done I guess.

Years. I took me years to get to where I am in my life, be it for good or bad. The walls I built were big, high and solid. It only took a moment, in my eyes, to knock a hole into them. It flowed out, whatever it was.

Warmth, hope, dreams, love, whatever. For a good reason, at least at the time. Hindsight is 20/20 so they say. I woke up not 10 minutes ago and for the first time in a while I felt the hole in the wall was plugged again.

I've been a fucking mess inbetween the breach and the repair. You readers will have no doubt noticed. The fix is temporary though, and by no means a solution. Once the flow starts it cannot be stopped anymore, things never on my mind will forever stay there now. The wall is but a vessel, holding everything in until there is someone who can drain it, bit by bit, until it's empty.

The person I'm looking for, yearning for, praying for. Who will understand, who will know, who will love, who will hold, who will comfort, who will be comforted when needed, loved when needed to be loved and held when needed to be held.

Though I don't know when, I will find her, no doubt remains anymore that I will. Briefly I was on top, for a split second in the eternity of 23 years. I slipt, fell, hit my head on the way down and lay there for a while.

I got back up, and it's time to make my way to the top again, because once you've seen the view from up there you want to see it again, for as long as possible.

As for loose thoughts: ace holiday few weeks back, appreciating my friends more and more, looking forward to Feb. 7th and the plans I have for this year.


NB: First ever edit...I didn't want to but time is no excuse for poor spelling