Riding the 312 bus home from school after taking my 2nd exam of the year and thinking I might have actually done well. The sun is shining down on me through the slightly tinted windows and I raise my head towards the warming rays of light. Thoughts of good things flood into my mind...
I'm still alive and kicking after everything, I'm not dying of anything horrible any time soon either. I got a roof over my head, food in my fridge (well, not really my fridge but still), everything I need to pass the free time I have at home and just enough money to do the things I like.
An occasional visit to Subway, a night out to the movies with my friends, a can of Dr. Pepper, a good CD, a new DVD. I don't need much to be content.
Good things are on the horizon. This Friday I'm having gourmet with my 3 closest friends to celebrate one of their birthdays and the anniversary of two of them as well. The first Sunday of February is, as it has been for the past 7 years, the annual Superbowl Party. I'm organizing and it's gonna be a food- and booze-filled extravaganza that will last 'till the early hours.
February 14th will be 'avoid women at all costs'-day, but not the usual 'stay in bed'-day.
I started the day with the intent to write another bluuurgh post and I even had it all in my head but on my way home, I really felt I had done enough moping for one month and the comment I got last night ('Where's happy Sav? We want happy Sav back!') made me reconsider writing any more negative things for the foreseeable future (unless of course something reeeaally bad happens, but then I'm entitled to).
Sav, signing out with a smile on his face
19 January 2011
Polar Bear, Polar Expedition, Bi-Polar
Just a quicky, a song to share with y'all. It's no secret I love Assemblage 23 and this song takes the cake (along with Cocoon).
Assemblage 23 --- Bi-Polar (lyrics below the vid)
I haven't felt so alive in years
The sun is shining down on me
My eyes are welling up with tears
Tears of joy, tears of ecstasy
Emotions I once kept concealed
Now flow freely like a river
Life's great mysteries revealed
Love's great promises delivered
I hate my life I want to die
I was just pretending all this time
A mask I wear so I don't bare
My soul to the cold, harsh world out there
Try to prevail but only fail
Each time on a grander and grander scale
My life is worthless and so am I
I hate my life I want to die
The landscape rises to meet my feet
The sky descends to fill my arms
For once I finally feel complete
For once I know I can't be harmed
All I know is light and love
I feel that I could live forever
While others' troubles seem to grow
I have no problems whatsoever
I hate my life I want to die
I was just pretending all this time
A mask I wear so I don't bare
My soul to the cold, harsh world out there
Try to prevail but only fail
Each time on a grander and grander scale
My life is worthless and so am I
I hate my life I want to die
The epiphany that came to fall
Finally helped me reconcile
What I felt wasn't joy at all
All this time it was just denial
I hate my life I want to die
I was just pretending all this time
A mask I wear so I don't bare
My soul to the cold, harsh world out there
Try to prevail but only fail
Each time on a grander and grander scale
My life is worthless and so am I
I hate my life I want to die
Final thoughts: Maybe it'll give some insight into the daily routine of my brain.
Assemblage 23 --- Bi-Polar (lyrics below the vid)
I haven't felt so alive in years
The sun is shining down on me
My eyes are welling up with tears
Tears of joy, tears of ecstasy
Emotions I once kept concealed
Now flow freely like a river
Life's great mysteries revealed
Love's great promises delivered
I hate my life I want to die
I was just pretending all this time
A mask I wear so I don't bare
My soul to the cold, harsh world out there
Try to prevail but only fail
Each time on a grander and grander scale
My life is worthless and so am I
I hate my life I want to die
The landscape rises to meet my feet
The sky descends to fill my arms
For once I finally feel complete
For once I know I can't be harmed
All I know is light and love
I feel that I could live forever
While others' troubles seem to grow
I have no problems whatsoever
I hate my life I want to die
I was just pretending all this time
A mask I wear so I don't bare
My soul to the cold, harsh world out there
Try to prevail but only fail
Each time on a grander and grander scale
My life is worthless and so am I
I hate my life I want to die
The epiphany that came to fall
Finally helped me reconcile
What I felt wasn't joy at all
All this time it was just denial
I hate my life I want to die
I was just pretending all this time
A mask I wear so I don't bare
My soul to the cold, harsh world out there
Try to prevail but only fail
Each time on a grander and grander scale
My life is worthless and so am I
I hate my life I want to die
Final thoughts: Maybe it'll give some insight into the daily routine of my brain.
18 January 2011
I might be a fool, but I'm not crazy
Let's see...has anything interesting happened since my last post...let me think...I had the most awesome Subway sandwich to day, I ate a pizza while watching the Shawshank Redemption with my best friend. That's about i---oh I almost forgot! THE WOMAN I THOUGHT WAS MY GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN SEEING ANOTHER MAN FOR THE PAST MONTH.
Let's talk about that a bit eh, probably more interesting than the Meatball Marinara with honey-mustard sauce I had.
So, in part due to my inquisitive nature, in part due to this blog, I found out that there was another 'me'. Let's call this man Ozzy and say he's no less a victim than I am. That day, when I took a risk and sent him a message on Facebook after he commented on my previous post, we both found out we'd been tricked. We'd been had, we'd been conned, lied to, back-stabbed and royally fucked.
By her. I won't even give her the satisfaction of posting her name, but I know she's here, around, lurking and smirking at the two of us, fools as we might have been.
Anyways, that same evening we came into contact and we talked. For 8 hours straight, about all the things that happened to us. All of which turned out to be the exact same things and all of them were a lie. Untruth, make-belief, whatever you want to call it.
She never 'loved' either of, she never intended for either of us to come over and visit and show her how we felt. Because what we felt was real, what she felt....who knows, who's to say she felt anything at all.
At the end of that day, I felt empty. I had already formally broken up with her a few days prior but for other reasons. I had no reason to believe any of this could ever be true. But it was, is, and instead of feeling sadness for losing her, I now only feel bitterness, hate and regret.
I fell for it again, the same old thing and once again I ignored every piece of sound advice anyone had given me. So, I deserved it, again, for being a stubborn dumbass.
Most of that has subsided now. After days of talking to Ozzy, I found out how similar we really are, apart from a few differences like age, location and experience in certain areas of life. I'd like to claim this will never happen to me again but of course I can never be sure.
All I can do now is hope that over time, my bitterness will subsided and I'll be able to trust a person who claims to love me again without doubting their true intentions. Until that day, I'll just be me again, lonely but....not alone.
Let's talk about that a bit eh, probably more interesting than the Meatball Marinara with honey-mustard sauce I had.
So, in part due to my inquisitive nature, in part due to this blog, I found out that there was another 'me'. Let's call this man Ozzy and say he's no less a victim than I am. That day, when I took a risk and sent him a message on Facebook after he commented on my previous post, we both found out we'd been tricked. We'd been had, we'd been conned, lied to, back-stabbed and royally fucked.
By her. I won't even give her the satisfaction of posting her name, but I know she's here, around, lurking and smirking at the two of us, fools as we might have been.
Anyways, that same evening we came into contact and we talked. For 8 hours straight, about all the things that happened to us. All of which turned out to be the exact same things and all of them were a lie. Untruth, make-belief, whatever you want to call it.
She never 'loved' either of, she never intended for either of us to come over and visit and show her how we felt. Because what we felt was real, what she felt....who knows, who's to say she felt anything at all.
At the end of that day, I felt empty. I had already formally broken up with her a few days prior but for other reasons. I had no reason to believe any of this could ever be true. But it was, is, and instead of feeling sadness for losing her, I now only feel bitterness, hate and regret.
I fell for it again, the same old thing and once again I ignored every piece of sound advice anyone had given me. So, I deserved it, again, for being a stubborn dumbass.
Most of that has subsided now. After days of talking to Ozzy, I found out how similar we really are, apart from a few differences like age, location and experience in certain areas of life. I'd like to claim this will never happen to me again but of course I can never be sure.
All I can do now is hope that over time, my bitterness will subsided and I'll be able to trust a person who claims to love me again without doubting their true intentions. Until that day, I'll just be me again, lonely but....not alone.
7 January 2011
The End
As I'm sitting here, I find my head eerily calm. There is nothing running around in there at the moment, a far cry from say... an hour ago. I know what it is that haunts me, I know why and how as well. But there is no way out. No way that will end in anything remotely good.
Doors 1, 2 and 3 lie before me. Door 1 leads down the familiar hallways, the eternal loop, the same old thing. Door 2 leads to heartbreak, a double dose. Maybe something worse as well, I don't know. I don't want to take that door if I can help it.
Door 3 leads to the End. The End of all Ends, the blackest black. A road that would hurt everyone but me, a road who's door I had nearly opened once but decided against taking then. It's the easiest one to take, considering.
But the calm in my head says I shouldn't. Because recently, someone told me about hope and that there's always some left somewhere. Always someone out there who loves you and believes in you. That thought is the only thing keeping me here right now.
Door 1 and 2 are bad places too, they will take me down roads that slash at my knees and rip at my clothes until I am a bloody mess. One of them will lead me out of that cursed forest, battered, beaten, scarred..but not broken.
Which one is it? I hope it comes to me before the gale inside my head starts picking up again, making all into a cacophony of howls and screeches.
It is 4.30am, I am....alone.
Doors 1, 2 and 3 lie before me. Door 1 leads down the familiar hallways, the eternal loop, the same old thing. Door 2 leads to heartbreak, a double dose. Maybe something worse as well, I don't know. I don't want to take that door if I can help it.
Door 3 leads to the End. The End of all Ends, the blackest black. A road that would hurt everyone but me, a road who's door I had nearly opened once but decided against taking then. It's the easiest one to take, considering.
But the calm in my head says I shouldn't. Because recently, someone told me about hope and that there's always some left somewhere. Always someone out there who loves you and believes in you. That thought is the only thing keeping me here right now.
Door 1 and 2 are bad places too, they will take me down roads that slash at my knees and rip at my clothes until I am a bloody mess. One of them will lead me out of that cursed forest, battered, beaten, scarred..but not broken.
Which one is it? I hope it comes to me before the gale inside my head starts picking up again, making all into a cacophony of howls and screeches.
It is 4.30am, I am....alone.
4 January 2011
What's that thing on your keychain?
Because people like to ask questions and I like answering them, I thought I'd humor everyone by compiling a (really) short list to symbolism in my life.
The Ankh
The Ankh stands for life, infinity in loops and for me, friendship.
The symbol in question has been hanging from my keychain for years now and has been going everywhere with me. It was a gift from a dear friend for my 16th birthday, who got it from Egypt. I cherish it for its sentimental value but also its meanings.
Life, we all have it and we'll all lose it at some point. I'm not to bothered about the 'when' because the 'if' is a certainty. Live life to the fullest, avoid regrets at the end.
Infinity, in loops or just on its own, is a common theme. Life to death to new life. Recycling of all kinds. It can also refer to the cycle of mistakes one makes or the inevitable loops some of us end up in. They are hard to break.
Friendship is the most important thing in the world to me. Without my friends, there would be no me. I rely on them as much as some of them rely on me and that comforts me, knowing people out there support each other.
The Heart
The heart stands for love, for hope and for feelings. It doesn't show up much in my daily life besides the one beating in my chest and others, and the ones I try to send to a special someone when I can.
Love, so warm yet so cold. So inviting yet so repulsing. It can delight you in the basking warm rays or burn you in its scarring flames. We all need it, crave it on a deep down level of our hearts. We might get burned over and over or we get lucky and find that one person that makes us happy for the rest of our lives. Whatever the case, love will always be there in some form. Whether we like it or not.
Hope is something you need to survive. It's needed to cling onto in situations that seem to have none of it. Friends and loved ones can provide you with it or you can conjure up some yourself if you are that strong a person. Hope is the last barrier between you and horribly wrong choices.
Feeling are what I am proud of, in secret. Most people don't see me the way some of you do, the way I really am. The society we live in does not appreciate an overflow of emotions in a man and I adapt to that. I remain stoic and wholly masked when I'm outside, giving off an air of indifference and boredom at the world around me. Inside and to my closest friends, I shed that cloak and share what I feel. I hug, I cuddle, I cry, I despair about everyday things. As everyone should. Until that day, this is me in disguise.
The Skull
The skull represents death, but also reason in thinking and hardiness. It's omnipresent in my life, especially my room. Stuffed with horror movies, scary books and posters, it looked more like a freak-show than a bedroom before I changed it around.
I've come close to death on more than one occasion, though not quite on a personal level. Important people around me have died, not all in a peaceful way, and for some of them I wept tears of joy, that there passing was earned and they'd gotten a better life, if you believe in that. For some I wept tears of bitterness, for they weren't supposed to go yet and it might have been better had I been in there place. Tears of sorrow were shed for both my parents, whom I nearly lost 7 years ago due to unforeseen circumstances. I'll never forget what that was like, feeling like any minute I could be totally alone in the world so I'm happy it didn't come to pass.
Reason in thinking is an aspect of myself I take pride in. Underneath the emotions is a part of me that is capable of cold, hard decision-making. I can be ruthless if needed be. According to various 'official' tests that I don't care about, I have an IQ of over 145, well big woop. Being intelligent is having good brains, being smart is using those brains. I'm mostly in the former category, not caring about using this intellect but for what interests me. A downside of having it I guess. Strategic thinking, problem analysis and seeing the big picture are some of my qualities, as showing from my almost complete degree in (human) resource management. Some call it boring, I call it 'having control'.
Hardiness is a necessity in life. Getting back up after the fall, taking the blows and withstanding whatever gets thrown at you. At times, I sink in a well of self-pity but in a way I do always come out. There's always something or someone that gives me that last nudge that I needed to recover, where hardiness and steadfastness kept me afloat for the rest of the duration. The ability to not stay down will serve one until the end.
The Music Key
The music key represents music and relaxation. I listen to music every minute that I am awake. Extensive playlists on my Youtube account, my Spotify account and my pc assure me that there is always something to listen to. And every day, my collection grows because other people introduce me to new songs that fit my bill.
Music is a way for me to adjust my setting and surrounding to my mood. Anger, sadness, joy or nostalgia, all have their own music associated with it. 'Theme songs' signify the most powerful music in a specific category and they have been with me ever since I started using music in this way. My taste is very diverse, there is very little music I detest or reject on it's label alone. Every song needs to be listened to, no matter the artist or the genre it is from. And when it might not be for you, someone else is sure to give meaning to it in some form or another. My current biggest passion lies with the electronic. Punk, techno, industrial, you name it, I like it. There's just something about the contrast between synthesized sounds and the feelings they convey, as well as the immense diversity the genre has shown.
Relaxation can be achieved in many ways. Through music, through gaming, through being with friends and family, through doing nothing at all or lots of things at once. And it doesn't matter how you relax, as long as you do relax once in a while. Being busy all the time can be rewarding but in calm and quiet you find new appreciation for things and it lets you get perspective on a lot of things.
Sav.
The Ankh
The Ankh stands for life, infinity in loops and for me, friendship.
The symbol in question has been hanging from my keychain for years now and has been going everywhere with me. It was a gift from a dear friend for my 16th birthday, who got it from Egypt. I cherish it for its sentimental value but also its meanings.
Life, we all have it and we'll all lose it at some point. I'm not to bothered about the 'when' because the 'if' is a certainty. Live life to the fullest, avoid regrets at the end.
Infinity, in loops or just on its own, is a common theme. Life to death to new life. Recycling of all kinds. It can also refer to the cycle of mistakes one makes or the inevitable loops some of us end up in. They are hard to break.
Friendship is the most important thing in the world to me. Without my friends, there would be no me. I rely on them as much as some of them rely on me and that comforts me, knowing people out there support each other.
The Heart
The heart stands for love, for hope and for feelings. It doesn't show up much in my daily life besides the one beating in my chest and others, and the ones I try to send to a special someone when I can.
Love, so warm yet so cold. So inviting yet so repulsing. It can delight you in the basking warm rays or burn you in its scarring flames. We all need it, crave it on a deep down level of our hearts. We might get burned over and over or we get lucky and find that one person that makes us happy for the rest of our lives. Whatever the case, love will always be there in some form. Whether we like it or not.
Hope is something you need to survive. It's needed to cling onto in situations that seem to have none of it. Friends and loved ones can provide you with it or you can conjure up some yourself if you are that strong a person. Hope is the last barrier between you and horribly wrong choices.
Feeling are what I am proud of, in secret. Most people don't see me the way some of you do, the way I really am. The society we live in does not appreciate an overflow of emotions in a man and I adapt to that. I remain stoic and wholly masked when I'm outside, giving off an air of indifference and boredom at the world around me. Inside and to my closest friends, I shed that cloak and share what I feel. I hug, I cuddle, I cry, I despair about everyday things. As everyone should. Until that day, this is me in disguise.
The Skull
The skull represents death, but also reason in thinking and hardiness. It's omnipresent in my life, especially my room. Stuffed with horror movies, scary books and posters, it looked more like a freak-show than a bedroom before I changed it around.
I've come close to death on more than one occasion, though not quite on a personal level. Important people around me have died, not all in a peaceful way, and for some of them I wept tears of joy, that there passing was earned and they'd gotten a better life, if you believe in that. For some I wept tears of bitterness, for they weren't supposed to go yet and it might have been better had I been in there place. Tears of sorrow were shed for both my parents, whom I nearly lost 7 years ago due to unforeseen circumstances. I'll never forget what that was like, feeling like any minute I could be totally alone in the world so I'm happy it didn't come to pass.
Reason in thinking is an aspect of myself I take pride in. Underneath the emotions is a part of me that is capable of cold, hard decision-making. I can be ruthless if needed be. According to various 'official' tests that I don't care about, I have an IQ of over 145, well big woop. Being intelligent is having good brains, being smart is using those brains. I'm mostly in the former category, not caring about using this intellect but for what interests me. A downside of having it I guess. Strategic thinking, problem analysis and seeing the big picture are some of my qualities, as showing from my almost complete degree in (human) resource management. Some call it boring, I call it 'having control'.
Hardiness is a necessity in life. Getting back up after the fall, taking the blows and withstanding whatever gets thrown at you. At times, I sink in a well of self-pity but in a way I do always come out. There's always something or someone that gives me that last nudge that I needed to recover, where hardiness and steadfastness kept me afloat for the rest of the duration. The ability to not stay down will serve one until the end.
The Music Key
The music key represents music and relaxation. I listen to music every minute that I am awake. Extensive playlists on my Youtube account, my Spotify account and my pc assure me that there is always something to listen to. And every day, my collection grows because other people introduce me to new songs that fit my bill.
Music is a way for me to adjust my setting and surrounding to my mood. Anger, sadness, joy or nostalgia, all have their own music associated with it. 'Theme songs' signify the most powerful music in a specific category and they have been with me ever since I started using music in this way. My taste is very diverse, there is very little music I detest or reject on it's label alone. Every song needs to be listened to, no matter the artist or the genre it is from. And when it might not be for you, someone else is sure to give meaning to it in some form or another. My current biggest passion lies with the electronic. Punk, techno, industrial, you name it, I like it. There's just something about the contrast between synthesized sounds and the feelings they convey, as well as the immense diversity the genre has shown.
Relaxation can be achieved in many ways. Through music, through gaming, through being with friends and family, through doing nothing at all or lots of things at once. And it doesn't matter how you relax, as long as you do relax once in a while. Being busy all the time can be rewarding but in calm and quiet you find new appreciation for things and it lets you get perspective on a lot of things.
Sav.
27 December 2010
Tomorrow will be okay
Wall of text after the video.
What do you do when you go against everyone? Ignore every opinion and piece of advice because you 'feel' something?
Am I right in doing what I do because I believe something or am I a stubborn idiot on a crash course.
I'm on the outside
and I'm looking in
The above song suddenly made perfect sense to me. I'm great at distancing myself and looking at a situation objectively, analyzing it and coming up with a way to deal with whatever is wrong. However when I try to follow that plan, trouble starts. I have to lose my objectivity and feelings mess it all up again.
I seem to be between a rock and a hard place, far from the warm and safe spot I want to be in. Do I do the 'right' thing or the....'right' thing? There is no right thing when it comes to feelings, only love or pain.
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside you're ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you
You are like me in many ways, you feel you're not right, not complete, not normal whatever that is. And because you are like me I can relate. I know how you feel and what goes on in your head..mostly.
All the times
That I've cried
All this wasted
It's all inside
And I feel
All this pain
Stuffed it down
It's back again
And I lie
Here in bed
All alone
I can't mend
It aches. It stings. It burns. It hurts. Every time you disappear, every time you're there but not really. Every time I miss you. Every time I think about you. Every time I see people kissing, walking hand in hand or enjoying themselves.
Lots of times I don't understand things, I try to understand but you can't or won't let me. It's hard to start a conversation, to continue it or to have it be about something important.
So why do I still feel like I do. Why is there this burning love that still fills me up when I see you, even when you don't see me. I had hoped you could tell me but you can't. I don't know if you can even tell yourself.
But I feel
Tomorrow will be okay
In the end I always go on. Mostly by myself with support from those who really matter. Those who care and think I should go on in the first place. After every fatal mistake I make they don't say 'I told you so'. They say 'I'm sorry for what happened, please recover and become yourself again'.
No matter how bad I feel or will feel in time to come, tomorrow....will be okay.
What do you do when you go against everyone? Ignore every opinion and piece of advice because you 'feel' something?
Am I right in doing what I do because I believe something or am I a stubborn idiot on a crash course.
I'm on the outside
and I'm looking in
The above song suddenly made perfect sense to me. I'm great at distancing myself and looking at a situation objectively, analyzing it and coming up with a way to deal with whatever is wrong. However when I try to follow that plan, trouble starts. I have to lose my objectivity and feelings mess it all up again.
I seem to be between a rock and a hard place, far from the warm and safe spot I want to be in. Do I do the 'right' thing or the....'right' thing? There is no right thing when it comes to feelings, only love or pain.
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside you're ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you
You are like me in many ways, you feel you're not right, not complete, not normal whatever that is. And because you are like me I can relate. I know how you feel and what goes on in your head..mostly.
All the times
That I've cried
All this wasted
It's all inside
And I feel
All this pain
Stuffed it down
It's back again
And I lie
Here in bed
All alone
I can't mend
It aches. It stings. It burns. It hurts. Every time you disappear, every time you're there but not really. Every time I miss you. Every time I think about you. Every time I see people kissing, walking hand in hand or enjoying themselves.
Lots of times I don't understand things, I try to understand but you can't or won't let me. It's hard to start a conversation, to continue it or to have it be about something important.
So why do I still feel like I do. Why is there this burning love that still fills me up when I see you, even when you don't see me. I had hoped you could tell me but you can't. I don't know if you can even tell yourself.
But I feel
Tomorrow will be okay
In the end I always go on. Mostly by myself with support from those who really matter. Those who care and think I should go on in the first place. After every fatal mistake I make they don't say 'I told you so'. They say 'I'm sorry for what happened, please recover and become yourself again'.
No matter how bad I feel or will feel in time to come, tomorrow....will be okay.
22 November 2010
Only the Best Days
Not all is bleak and dark. Behold, my fondest memories!
- My first visit to the yearly rally in the region, 1993. Standing outside at the end of November in the freezing cold at 3AM with my dad, my uncles and my cousins. Almost falling asleep against a tree inbetween trials and being taken to the nearest bar for....hot coco.
- Family holiday in Center Parks for my parents' 25th wedding anniversary, 2010. All 6 of us together, just having fun. Spending the day in the tropical pool, eating old-style hamburgers, relaxing in the hot tub, having a fantastic grilled meal in our VIP-cottage with sauna, sitting on the sofa's watching 'Australia' and getting pleasantly drunk off of the Beertender brews.
- Watching the 'Tour of Eleven Cities' with my dad, 1997. Being waken up at 4.30 in the morning for a surprise, going down and seeing the couch pulled up to the TV and snacks all over the table. Sitting down and watching the start of the first and so far only Tour of my life. We sat there all day, till the finish line closed at 11.59PM and we felt sorry for the people who finished a minute too late and didn't get their reward. 'Watch and enjoy son, this is a unique event and there may never be one ever again'....oh how right he has been.
- Touching down in Poland after a 2 hour flight, 2009. My first plane trip, my first holiday, my first time further away than my own country, my first time visiting WoW-folk, my first time away on my own, my first time clubbing and dancing. And for all that, only 2 days of planning went into it. The biggest leap of faith I've ever taken and the one that paid out the most. Perhaps not right away but certainly the aftereffects.
- My first kiss, 2009. Every detail, every smell, every feeling...Burned into my memory for all times.
- Discovery of my musical tastes, 2007. One slow Wednesday evening, I tuned into the WoW-Radio show 'the Lorekeepers' and got blasted by VNV Nation's 'Honor'. It changed the way I looked and still look at music and the type of music I prefer. Electronic, Industrial, Techno, this is my kind of music!
- Purchasing a major appliance with hard-earned cash, 2004. A big, shiny beast of a computer. Put together from selected parts by Dell, this black beauty still serves me well. She will be retired within a month, to be replaced with a significant upgrade. She won't be forgotten though.
- First time I got drunk, 1994. My Holy Communion, a big occasion over here and reason to party hard. I spent the evening emptying my esteemed guests' beer bottles with my straw, resulting in my parents putting me underneath a stream of cold water in the shower, afraid I might pass out from euphoria and/or alcohol overdose. Sipping beer through straws is not done, especially not when 8 years old...
- My first visit to the yearly rally in the region, 1993. Standing outside at the end of November in the freezing cold at 3AM with my dad, my uncles and my cousins. Almost falling asleep against a tree inbetween trials and being taken to the nearest bar for....hot coco.
- Family holiday in Center Parks for my parents' 25th wedding anniversary, 2010. All 6 of us together, just having fun. Spending the day in the tropical pool, eating old-style hamburgers, relaxing in the hot tub, having a fantastic grilled meal in our VIP-cottage with sauna, sitting on the sofa's watching 'Australia' and getting pleasantly drunk off of the Beertender brews.
- Watching the 'Tour of Eleven Cities' with my dad, 1997. Being waken up at 4.30 in the morning for a surprise, going down and seeing the couch pulled up to the TV and snacks all over the table. Sitting down and watching the start of the first and so far only Tour of my life. We sat there all day, till the finish line closed at 11.59PM and we felt sorry for the people who finished a minute too late and didn't get their reward. 'Watch and enjoy son, this is a unique event and there may never be one ever again'....oh how right he has been.
- Touching down in Poland after a 2 hour flight, 2009. My first plane trip, my first holiday, my first time further away than my own country, my first time visiting WoW-folk, my first time away on my own, my first time clubbing and dancing. And for all that, only 2 days of planning went into it. The biggest leap of faith I've ever taken and the one that paid out the most. Perhaps not right away but certainly the aftereffects.
- My first kiss, 2009. Every detail, every smell, every feeling...Burned into my memory for all times.
- Discovery of my musical tastes, 2007. One slow Wednesday evening, I tuned into the WoW-Radio show 'the Lorekeepers' and got blasted by VNV Nation's 'Honor'. It changed the way I looked and still look at music and the type of music I prefer. Electronic, Industrial, Techno, this is my kind of music!
- Purchasing a major appliance with hard-earned cash, 2004. A big, shiny beast of a computer. Put together from selected parts by Dell, this black beauty still serves me well. She will be retired within a month, to be replaced with a significant upgrade. She won't be forgotten though.
- First time I got drunk, 1994. My Holy Communion, a big occasion over here and reason to party hard. I spent the evening emptying my esteemed guests' beer bottles with my straw, resulting in my parents putting me underneath a stream of cold water in the shower, afraid I might pass out from euphoria and/or alcohol overdose. Sipping beer through straws is not done, especially not when 8 years old...
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